Much time has been spent together in the last few months. Clayton couldn’t escape to yet another dancing event… and I wasn’t bustling around town with coffee engagements or on the phone… so we have learned a lot about each other.It seems that some ‘other’ woman (sorry Sarah – but until I meet you you’re another woman!) has previously listed some Clayton’s quirks (http://www.claytronics.org/faults.htm) and in it she said wisely that “his to-be wife must be warned - God help the one who has a lifetime of this!”. For all of Clayton's friends and family - we can all agree that Quirky could be Clayton's middle name - Here is just a taste...
Ten 'Clayton' Quirks, as per his Loving Wife
1- In our quite honestly well-distributed household tasks, I do the laundry. This activity does not include folding following the wash – we do that together. The interesting thing I have come to realize is that Clayton only fishes out his clothes and folds them. When my clothes are the only ones left, he throws them my way and feels happy to have contributed. I on the other hand, fold whatever is in reach… and how does he come to the conclusion that towels/kitchen clothes/sheets are my clothes… one will never know…
2- Clayton has urgent physical pains/needs that come upon him in a flash. For example, out of nowhere, he could have the worst headache ever or needs to pee so bad…This latter serious critical need will not stop him from googling on the mating habits of the proboscis monkey, premillennial theology in western Texas, or a new 25 inch computer screen.
3- Clayton hates… and I mean hates… putting away leftovers. I honestly don’t get it.
4- When he awakes, Clayton can barely walk straight, hits walls and corners, and recently, even fell to the ground.
5- But there is more to the morning Clayton I have come to laugh at. As his eyes see the light of day, his blood is causing him to loath all that he sees. I know to quickly give him what he needs....no not that.....something sweet like Mango juice… and then after 5 minutes, the worlds seems like a better place to my lovely husband.
6- When he wants the bigger share of chocolate… he says “mama-bear” pointing to me, and then “papa-bear” pointing to himself, thus permiting his self-indulgence
7- Almost all of you know that Clayton has a somewhat surprising obsession with dogs… but I hope you have been protected from his canine growling biting snarling displays of affection. I am sometimes surprised when I'm typing that some unknown animal is gnawing at my shoulder in need of attention.
8- Clayton after imbibing in maybe half a glass of wine becomes almost embarrassingly self-disclosing… a perfect opportunity for a girlfriend (potential wife) to get all the dirt he usually keeps concealed! It has served me well!
9- Yes, I admit it, I can be sometimes annoying and a tease. In response to this, Clayton has perfected name calling… well I don’t know if calling his wife "sushi-for-brains" or "poo-head" really reflects his intellectual skills.
10- He keeps all… and I mean all… his email ever written and ever received… so that if he really wants to know what an ex wrote to him 9 years ago – it’s always available…arghhh
So that is my brief outline of some of Clayton’s quirks… now I haven’t even
described all the quirks I have witnessed when he’s frustrated with customer service, or when something doesn’t smell right… oh well… One thing is certain, this present list will bring forth his wrath… and I’m sure he will have to compensate by writing some not-so-true comments about me. One thing is sure whatever he will write will have to be wittier, funnier, and more to the point... since well his competitiveness will require it of him and he must prove that I'm too wordy! So please realize the hyperbole this will produce.
1- In our quite honestly well-distributed household tasks, I do the laundry. This activity does not include folding following the wash – we do that together. The interesting thing I have come to realize is that Clayton only fishes out his clothes and folds them. When my clothes are the only ones left, he throws them my way and feels happy to have contributed. I on the other hand, fold whatever is in reach… and how does he come to the conclusion that towels/kitchen clothes/sheets are my clothes… one will never know…
2- Clayton has urgent physical pains/needs that come upon him in a flash. For example, out of nowhere, he could have the worst headache ever or needs to pee so bad…This latter serious critical need will not stop him from googling on the mating habits of the proboscis monkey, premillennial theology in western Texas, or a new 25 inch computer screen.
3- Clayton hates… and I mean hates… putting away leftovers. I honestly don’t get it.
4- When he awakes, Clayton can barely walk straight, hits walls and corners, and recently, even fell to the ground.
5- But there is more to the morning Clayton I have come to laugh at. As his eyes see the light of day, his blood is causing him to loath all that he sees. I know to quickly give him what he needs....no not that.....something sweet like Mango juice… and then after 5 minutes, the worlds seems like a better place to my lovely husband.
6- When he wants the bigger share of chocolate… he says “mama-bear” pointing to me, and then “papa-bear” pointing to himself, thus permiting his self-indulgence
7- Almost all of you know that Clayton has a somewhat surprising obsession with dogs… but I hope you have been protected from his canine growling biting snarling displays of affection. I am sometimes surprised when I'm typing that some unknown animal is gnawing at my shoulder in need of attention.8- Clayton after imbibing in maybe half a glass of wine becomes almost embarrassingly self-disclosing… a perfect opportunity for a girlfriend (potential wife) to get all the dirt he usually keeps concealed! It has served me well!
9- Yes, I admit it, I can be sometimes annoying and a tease. In response to this, Clayton has perfected name calling… well I don’t know if calling his wife "sushi-for-brains" or "poo-head" really reflects his intellectual skills.
10- He keeps all… and I mean all… his email ever written and ever received… so that if he really wants to know what an ex wrote to him 9 years ago – it’s always available…arghhh
So that is my brief outline of some of Clayton’s quirks… now I haven’t even
described all the quirks I have witnessed when he’s frustrated with customer service, or when something doesn’t smell right… oh well… One thing is certain, this present list will bring forth his wrath… and I’m sure he will have to compensate by writing some not-so-true comments about me. One thing is sure whatever he will write will have to be wittier, funnier, and more to the point... since well his competitiveness will require it of him and he must prove that I'm too wordy! So please realize the hyperbole this will produce. 
3 comments:
Clayton, I hope your retaliation is formidable....
TMI
Wow Clayton, it's going to be hard to compete with this list...
ps. "poo-head"??
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